YThursday, January 19, 2006
broken into pieces of shattered dreams..you refuse to try again. you gave up.
don't give up on hope of loving and living. don't stop believing..don't run away. don't.
i keep telling myself this. it's like a constant reminder tat i give to myself to make me stronger. like a string of words to hypnotize me of what could be. i am really uncertain of what the future holds and i can never be certain of the future. BUT it is not the future that i am afraid of. it's my fear of not having anyone to love is what fears me most.
yesterday, i realised that i have to start being independent and learn to not be afraid of loneliness.that it don't necessarily mean emptiness or bleak. i realised that i am not always a priority in my loved ones' life. that i can always be substituted by someone else. that i perhaps have to look for other people who will wana spend time wit me when they know that i am alone.
but i dun want to make new friends..i dun wana tell another group of ppl my dark past. i dun wana have to repeat something that i am not at all proud of. I just don't want. I refuse. But i dun wana be alone either. I dun wana watch them go to someone else and leave me standing there alone either..ugh. i can't have everything.i just can't.
i am gona learn to try to accept being alone and think of my purpose in living.
sometimes, we just duno what we have till it's gone. we take advantage of wat's there and abuse the privilege. we are just human..filled with greed of wanting more than wat we already have. that's just us. we tend to forget our roots and what we are here for. we tend to lose ourselves and forget about the things that matters. we just forget. sometimes intentional, sometimes not.hmm..humans.
in this moment..love is sacred. dun take advantage of your lover's love, mother's love, sister's love, brother's love, friend's love and most importantly, God's Love.
coz if you lose it..it'll be gone. and the flame will just die..there won't even be a spark to start the fire.so dun take advantage of the flame by trying to sprinkle water to it.don't.
so today..tell your mum,dad,sister,brother,friends,lover how much they mean to you and that you love them. pray to the Lord and thank him for loving you.
Coz u never noe if tomorrow will ever come. You never know.
_callous_ was here with you at
